My pain, you thrill
by Alicia Mirza
Summary: You look at the beautiful redhead in James' arms and you envy him. You fix your eyes on her beautiful emerald eyes and you are having a serious problem on not touching her. She is your poison, your heroine, you are addicted to her. One-sided Peter/Lily


_This one-shot was written for:_

**1. ****Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges - InLoveWithLaughing's Triwizard Competition - Third Task - **_Peter Pettigrew/Lily Evans _

_Prompts: Quote: "The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned." –W. Somerset Maugham; Word: Hope; Dialogue: "I'm not going to give up"; Song (lyrics or just inspiration): Poison, Alice Cooper; Emotion: Desperation_

**2. ****Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges - colorful swirls' 2013 Summer Fanfiction Olympics Competition - Round 2 - ****Gymnastics - Floor **- _Based on the song: Poison by Alice Cooper_

_Prompts: Word: sunset, fall, wave; Object: a ring; Emotion: Envy; Genre: Romance; Phrase: "I missed you."; Color: Orange_

**3. ****Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges - PossiblyPossible's The Tour de Fiction- 2013 Edition (Competition) - ****ROUND 2 (mass start) **

_Prompts: The Quote: "Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much" - Oscar Wilde, The Word: New Beginning, The Word: Kite_

_Wordcount: 1402 words _

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series, all rights go to J.K. Rowling.**

* * *

_My pain, your thrill_

[_I wanna love you, but I better not touch._]

She is laughing at a stupid comment Sirius makes and he pretends to be hurt when she rolls her eyes and says that he is crazy. She is leaning against James who is playing with her orange – no, red – hair which is so beautiful in the sunset.

She doesn't even see you or realize that you are standing right next to her and James. She overlooks you, just like everyone does, even your so-called best friends. You have a serious urge to lean a bit closer and touch her, but you know better than to do that. James is telling some 'unbelievable' story about one of their pranks, but as usual he leaves you out like you weren't even there.

You look at the beautiful redhead in James' arms and you envy him. You fix your eyes on her beautiful emerald eyes and you are having a serious problem on not touching her. She is your poison, your heroine, you are addicted to her.

"I wanna love you, but I better not touch," you mutter so softly no one hears your friends don't even seem to realize that you have said something, but she looks at you with concern in those beautiful eyes.

"You okay, Pete?" she asks softly and your friends look at you like they have never seen you around before.

"Yeah," you mutter and you don't meet her eyes. She looks away and James continues his story. You look out of the window and watch a kite flying. You have no idea what James is talking about, probably about some Slytherins. You only look up when Lily crosses her arms and looks nastily at James.

"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much," she says in mock-seriousness, in a teasing tone and the four of them starts laughing. You are just standing there feeling like a stranger who was spying on a group of close friends. You don't feel like you belong there and you look at the beautiful redhead for the last time before you leave the scene without they even realizing it.

[_I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much._]

She is with James as always, it seems that the two of them can't keep their hands off the other. You are just looking them, envying the black-haired boy who has everything. He is handsome, he is intelligent, he is the Head Boy, he is the Quidditch Captain, every girl loves him, he is one of the most popular boys in the school and he is a pure-blood with lots of galleons waiting for him when he finishes school.

However, what really makes you jealous is the fact that the girl you want to kiss so much is kissing him even at the moment. Her hands are around his neck and he is stroking her back while making out with her in the corner of the room.

You feel sick and you close your eyes and turn away. You can't look at them and not imagine yourself in James' situation. A wave of nausea hits you and you are close to throw up. Remus looks at you with concern and he raises his eyebrows.

"Are you sure you don't need a Healer, Wormy?" Remus asks and you shake your head too quickly and desperately. What he really need is only a few meters away, a beautiful girl with long wavy red hair which falls on her graceful shoulders, with pale skin which reminds you of snow with a few freckles on her nose and with that unbelievable green – emerald green you remind yourself – eyes which are a beautiful almond-shape.

You just want to go to her and tell her how much you want to kiss her, but she is way out of your league. She is the type of girl who would never like you; she deserved the typical James Potter type, the perfect handsome boy with money and reputation.

'I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much.' This time you don't say it loudly, you just think it as you once again fix you watery colourless eyes on her. She is still making out with James and you know that you need a toilet soon or you will vomit on poor Remus.

[_I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop._]

You take a step closer to her. Then another one. Once again. Just one more.

You are so close to her now that you can easily touch her. She doesn't seem to notice it or she just doesn't care about your closeness. You feel hope, maybe just maybe, she likes you as well. She smiles in you direction and you feel like you are going to melt. You don't care that she is a muggleborn, you don't care that she is going out with James, you only care about the warm feeling you feel as you are standing right next to her.

"I missed you," she says and you are ready to put your hands around her delicate waist, to hold her tight and to kiss her softly. However, before you could even move someone starts chuckling behind you. You turn around and notice that James is standing right behind you.

"I've missed you too, Lils," he says and he does everything you want to do. He closes the space between them and starts kissing her softly, but soon it becomes a passionate kissing fight, like they are in a duel trying to decide who can kiss the other more passionately.

You are still standing right next to them and you want to reach out for her and tell her that she belongs with you, not with him. You want to hold her just like he does. You reach out, but you stop yourself.

"I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop," you mutter as you leave the two of them behind. They don't even hear you, probably they wouldn't even notice if Voldemort himself appeared in the room.

[_I wanna taste you, but your lips are venomous poison_.]

"You are so lucky with James. Sirius is... ah, he is Sirius," Marlene says and you can't help but overhear her. You are leaning against the wall and looking at the three girls on the sofa. Your love, that beautiful redhead – Lily (you taste your name on your lips) – is sitting with her best friends there.

"The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned," Lily says mockingly and Marlene looks at her nastily.

"That's the problem; he returns my feelings, he just dumps me the next day." She sighs and you look at the graceful redhead who leans closer to her blonde friend and tries to calm her down.

"Have you spoken with James about... what will happen after graduation?" Alice asks curiously and you watch as your love blushes. Her face now resembles her hair colour and you can't help but feel warm inside.

"I... Well, he has made some comments about having a future together with me," she mutters and you find her even more beautiful than usual, even though what you hear breaks your heart. You hope that what is between her and James is just a school thing, but deep inside you know better. You have heard James talking about asking her to marry him after all.

Desperation takes over your body as you hear Alice squeal and she starts talking about weddings and about a ring. You fall in deep depression as you think about even the idea of losing her and giving her completely to James.

"I'm not going to give up," you mutter as you watch the three enthusiastic girls. Not only Lily, but her friends are rather attractive too, Marlene with her blonde hair and big baby blue eyes and Alice with her dark hair and brown eyes, but you only truly see that beautiful redhead in the middle.

She is your heroin, your poison, your pain. You know that one day she will ruin you, but you don't care.

"I wanna taste you, but your lips are venomous poison," you mutter and turn around. You don't even see as she looks up with concern clearly written in those emerald eyes.

"Peter?" she asks, but you have already left.

You just want a new beginning with her...


End file.
